Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Noise Pollution

Last night it was the neighbor’s dog. Son of a bitch kept barking till morning. Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs. But last night it was beyond my level of tolerance.

Today evening it is car alarm. It has been going off at regular intervals. A few minutes back I went out to get my mails and found the culprit. The very same neighbor whose dog entertained me last night!

She is attempting to make some repairs on her car which is setting off the godamn alarm! The dumb woman doesn’t know how to shut it off. She tried every thing she could. Turning the lights on and off, playing with the wipers, slamming the doors, talking a cell phone call, doing all kinds of stupid things.

I think both this mad woman and the guy who invented car alarms should be dragged off and forced to watch a Malayalam TV serial.

I recommend that she throw away that stupid alarm. You know what she needs? Her dog!! That mean son of a bitch. She should paint his sorry hair black, so nothing but his callous eyes show up at might. Keep him a little hungry and tether it to her car.

See if anybody dare steal that car then.

Friday, November 17, 2006


I visited swamiji yesterday. He talked about kissing. The most sensuous thing he said is kissing a woman on her neck and nibbling her ear lobes. If a woman allows you to kiss her neck - he said - she is showing a form of trust and an indication of surrender. He finds that combination highly erotic. The man is all fucked-up from the surgery, but I see his point.

Are you one of those people who would read ANYTHING in the bathroom? I am. I would even pick up trash from the receptacle and read it. When the trash is empty, I read shampoo bottles and toothpaste tubes.

The hardest book to read for me is James Joyce’s Ulysses. This is one sucker I tried to lay my hands on several times. I plan to keep a copy of it in my bathroom. I am sure I will finish it in several sittings.

These days eggs come cleansed, pasteurized, inspected and laser inscribed. I even saw eggs at Trader Joes that had advertisements printed on it. Back home our hens laid eggs that are not pasteurized, cleansed or clinically tested. But they sure made some delicious bulls-eye.

I once aspired to become a gardener. Me and my brother planted rows upon rows of exotic plants. We ceremoniously pulled them out each morning to see if they rooted. Later on I DID become good at gardening. At one point we had around 1000 orchids and more than a dozen different types of bananas. It is pure pleasure watching a seed sprout, form leaves, grow tall and green. I love doing that. That is exactly what I intend to do with the pair of hibiscus plants that I bought last week.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Beautiful song

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Smooth divorce

We decided to part ways. She was with me for 8 long years, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, in joy and in sorrow.

Our life was tumultuous and often times stormy, but I swear by God that I never cheated on her. I can’t claim complete innocence either. I am guilty of dreaming about a certain someone else in her position. And I think she was fully aware of it too. She doesn’t have to read my blog, she should have gotten enough clues noticing me drooling and salivating at traffic stops and parking lots.

I told her yesterday that we should separate, that we shouldn’t live together anymore. It was a strange goodbye. We hugged. We kissed. And both of us started crying, right there in the rain. I wiped the tears off her cheeks with the back of my hand and said “Don’t hate me. I don’t mean to hurt you. I still love you”.

It was an emotional farewell. I went back to my room and cried for a long time. Now my lustful heart beats for a new car to replace her.

Sunday, November 12, 2006


It is only November and it already is freaking COLD. I fear turning on electric heat because it almost burned down the whole house once. Besides Sriram has a skin condition that reacts badly to heat.

It is noon and the room is like an icebox. The warmest spot in this house must be the refrigerator. This morning ramuji rao's mother tried to give him a bath. He kept kicking and pushing and crying the entire time. It was no fun for the kid. As soon as she let him go, he came running out of the bathroom, all wet and naked, with goose bumps all over his body. His nimble body hair stood up right like tiny little needles. "Daddy, It’s COLD," he cried. I grabbed him in a big hug. He snuggled up tight against me and I felt him shiver in my arms. He stood there and cozied up for a while and said “daddy, your tummy is warm”.

In response goose bumps sprouted all over MY body! I have never felt better in a long time as I did right then.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Can you help me?

I shamelessly stole this from here

The newspaper had a contest for the wackiest web addresses. Here are some:

Who Represents?, a database for agencies to the rich and famous: www.whorepresents.com

Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views: www.expertsexchange.com

Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island: www.penisland.net

Need a therapist? www.therapistfinder.com

Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com

New to Milan and you need electric light? Why not sign up on-line with Power-Gen? www.powergenitalia.com

I couldn’t figure out what is whacky about these web addresses. I may be color blind, may be you can help me?