Saturday, September 30, 2006


As of now, it is two minutes past mid night, and it is drizzling outside. I can see dusts of rain against my window. I am going to step out for a while….

12:10 .. still drizzling. There is a gentle blow of wind… so gentle that I can stay here and sleep as this sweet breeze drifts through and tickles my neighbor’s wind chimes. This is a precious moment. I hope it lasts till morning.

I want to close my eyes and soak up the heavenly…… Damn it, I am writing like an emotionally deranged seventeen year old girl - and I am NOT liking it. So mother nature, do me a favor. Piss all over me.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Why do wimmen wear bindi?

For centuries, Indian wimmen have worn bindi, a red spot, on their foreheads. Although researchers believe that it has something to do with our religion, why wimmen indulge in forehead decoration is still a mystery.

Listen to Jignesh patel, a 7-11 owner self made entrepreneur here in the valley:
“See in Gujarati community here, when women get married; she brings with her a dowry. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the red dot to see if he won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, or a motel!”

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

OBL dead again ?

There is news that Osama Bin Laden is dead. I think he has been dead for a long time now. The guy is a publicity hog. He likes seeing himself on camera too much. I don’t think he could have laid low and stayed out the limelight this long.

Imagine for a second that he is NOT dead. I bet that the poor sucker probably wishes he were dead. Think about it, Osama was like a God man for his followers. Kinda like Chandra swami, but sort of skinny and with a better beard. He thundered threats and promised to kill the infidels. Look at poor Osama now. He is not seen for a while now. Most of his die hard followers are dead. Those alive are in jail wearing panties in their heads. His organization is becoming more like the West Indies cricket team.

I think the bastard is dead. Osma bin Laden, Osama bin fucked, Osama bin dead.
PS: I posted this couple of days ago, and then withdrew it thinking it may be offensive to some readers. On second thought, I don’t think it is offensive. The guy is a mass murderer, not a saint.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Al Gore

Today, Former Vice President Al Gore gave a major speech on global warming at NYU law. Notably, he called for an immediate freeze on CO2 emissions:
"For the last fourteen years, I have advocated the elimination of all payroll taxes — including those for social security and unemployment compensation — and the replacement of that revenue in the form of pollution taxes — principally on CO2. The overall level of taxation would remain exactly the same. It would be, in other words, a revenue neutral tax swap. But, instead of discouraging businesses from hiring more employees, it would discourage business from producing more pollution."

In my my humble opinion, the guy is a crazed, evangelical doomsday-preacher. But I liked this idea.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Rajanikanth Movies, slice of real life.

Things I learned from Rajanikanth movies

* Good men always carry a pair of sun glasses and an 8mm pistol in their pocket.

* ALL wimmen feel horny and flock skinny, dark, 65 year old men (think Rejjani) who carry a pair of sun glasses and a 8mm pistol in their pocket.

* If you carry a pair of sun glasses and a 8mm pistol in your pocket, you can fly.( I don’t understand why NBA players don’t do that)

* Good guys always get wounded in the left shoulder or the leg.

* ALL time bombs tick down to about two seconds and wait for the hero to figure out which wire to cut and disarm it.

* You MUST always carry a few spare pieces of high powered hand grenade in your pocket.

* Wimmen MUST always get caught in gun battle and damn near get killed and then crawl through a sewer and emerge in sprawling kancheepuram sarees and manicured nails. Their hair usually doesn't look too bad, either.

There you have it. Rajanikanth Movies, slice of real life.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Hell on earth

Swamiji's idea of hell on earth is a one hour trip to China town in a Chinese tour bus playing Chinese music, nibbling Chinese food. A Cantonese woman shared seats with Om swami. She had cow breath, and belched often. He reached China town and there were more cows. Young ones and older ones. Elderly cows belched obnoxiously with appreciable quantities of readily combustible hydrocarbons, the likes of which can contribute to global warming.

Swamiji just called me for a ride back home. I need to stop blogging, and go rescue my friend.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

I almost killed myself

I almost killed myself last night. I went to bed around 10. It was cold, so the heater was on. In no time, I was dead asleep. At some unknown hour I woke up to an eerie querulous hissing noise. The room was hot like an oven; I was sweating profusely (and was a wee bit under cooked for a full tandoori). I looked around and took no time to locate where that hissing sound was coming from. It was the spiraled coils on the room heater that was red hot and sizzling. Wow ! That was a close call. Few more minutes, and I could have made it to the oddly enough columns.

All that heat made me thirsty, so I walked to the kitchen in search of water. After quenching my thirst, I looked in my refrigerator to find something to eat. I opened the freezer first, and didn't find anything interesting there, so I opened the bottom door and stuck my head in. It was cold, and boy! It felt GOOOOD. I stayed there with my cheek resting on a half cut watermelon. Slowly the overpowering smell of the sweet melon made me hungry like hell. So I grabbed it, pulled my head out, straightened up and…..baaaam! I damn near killed myself when my head hit the open freezer door.

When I came back to my senses, I was laying on the floor covered in splattered watermelon; my head resting on garbage from the knocked over garbage can. Above me I caught a glimpse of what appeared to be a bend freezer door hanging on the only remaining hinge. And on my side stood a pair of bewildered wide open eyes which I recognized belonged to my wife. She looked at me like I was an intruder with six heads, like I was some one she did not know or recognize or had any sympathy for. It was not the baking nor the banging that killed me. It was those looks, and the act of agression that followed. THAT nearly took my life.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Onam with comrade Yeltsin

Comrade Yeltsin was with me yesterday for Onam. After the feast he wanted to go down to Achaayan’s liquor store in Sunnyvale to buy a bottle of vodka. Above all that fried ‘netholi’ (anchovy), and paayasam, and lemon pickles the bastid still had room for some ‘dessert’. I felt bad for not stocking up for my friend. I have a duty to do that. That was a serious criminal lapse for which I must be dragged off and shot.

We did go to Achaayan’s liquor store in the evening. Yeltsin bought a long bottle of Gray Goose vodka, and a bottle of sweet smelling bourbon. The sucker hid the goose under his jacket and held on to it like a kid on piece of treasured candy. The goose was just for him. The holy water saw no other lip than his.

Don’t ask me why his father (and my teacher), Madhavan Pillai sir, named his son Yeltsin. Nothing could have been more appropriate.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Happy Onam

Happy Onam folks! I just got back to my PC after two weeks of hectic, frenetic and backbreaking laziness activity. The three-year-old part time sweet boy, part time monster gave me a crazed look today morning when I told him I am staying home for Onam.

A lot has transpired in the last few days.

Pluto, the once planetary prince has lost it’s status and was relegated to planet non grata. So is PJ Joseph. The prince of Thodupuzha, Xaviar of the poor and messiah of the high range planters was forced out. The ex-minister continues to churn out theories, hypothesis and scientific facts to prove his innocence.

Kofi Annan is touring Lebanon on a pompous speech-giving mission. Where was Mr.UN Secretary General few days ago when Israel was dropping cluster bombs and daisy cutters on civilian targets?

The story of the Comair jet that crashed trying to fly from a short runway was scary, really scary. A similar accident happened few years ago at Taipei when a Singapore airlines Jumbo crashed trying to take off from a runway that was under construction. Cant traffic lights be installed on the ground so the pilots can see, or appoint a live person to check if pilots are driving on the right side of the road.

The Steve Irwin tragedy was a real shock today morning. I was addicted to Animal Planet and National Geographic channel. I use to religiously watch his crock hunter show. It is really ironic that of all the dangerous animals he bumped into, it was a simple fish that got him. But the man died doing something that he loved and enjoyed. Poor guy. He will be missed.