Fresh Watermelon

• I met a pretentious yuppy of an Indian guy at Swamiji's place a few days back. The guy demanded bottled water and refused to drink what he called "dirty municipal tap water". Pests like these deserves to be dragged off and shot. Poor Swamiji had to haul the moron to buy bothal water. I still drink water straight from the well or from a garden hose. You don't die from that.

• Last week my doctor showed me photographs of the scars from my surgery. It didn't look bad. Not bad at all. I think my surgeon is a fine cutter. I have to give him credit for a job well done.

• I picked a watermelon from a local farm last week. I handed three one dollar bills to the farmer's soiled hand. He seemed happy and it felt good. The melon was ripe, red and sweet, and to savor it fresh in the farm was heavenly. Life offers some simple pleasures and this was one of those.

Booby Trap

Last night, as usual I woke up to take a leak. I don't need to have the lights on for this ceremony. I could make it from the bed to the bathroom in the dark.I've made this trip hundreds of times. Besides, it is always a good idea to reduce your carbon footprint :)

So I got off my bed, came out the room, through the corridor, past the stairs, past my son's room and DANG!! My feet got into a strange booby trap. Next thing I heard was a loud, I mean LOUD, sound of someone cracking a ripe coconut.

When I got back to my senses, I felt sore in my face and salty in my mouth. My head was spinning and ears ringing. I reached down for the booby trap and felt a bicycle handle. The leg got stuck on my son's cycle, which he left laying outside his room!

Bees were still buzzing inside my head and it was stinging like hell. No one responded to my call for help. Talk about modern day wives! So I crawled to the bathroom myself and turned on the lights. Holy Gavasakar !! I had a giant cricket ball for my lips and had blood all over the mouth. I washed up the mess and examined the damage. It wasn't pretty.Strangely didn't feel the need to take a piss anymore. I think I pissed on that damn cycle.

I don't feel that good today. The bleeding is gone , and so is the pain. But I still have a cricket ball for my lips.

PhD While You Wait

Today is the first warm day of spring, and I am back from hiatus. It's been so long since I logged on to write some thing that I found dust and cobwebs and that musty odor of sentimental affection as soon as I logged in. I had to waste a perfect half hour weeding through the comments and deleting spam-slammers from my blog.

Talking about spammers, if you can manage to turn off that decency-control in your mind, some of 'em are really fun to read.

"Hidden cam video of Barnyard sex"

"Black lesbian sex," - HHWWHAT??? Black lesbian wimmen don't have sex with barnyard animals? What a racist spammer.

"50c Viagra" - If you're an old horny guy like Swamiji, and you hook up with a black lesbian, you better buy this stuff to be competitive against the barnyard animals.

"The Complete King James version" - You ought to buy two of these collectibles, signed by Dr.King himself

"PhD While You Wait" - With $99.99 a piece I bought five of those. I now have PhDs in Catholicism, African-American Studies, Disgruntled home owner Studies, and Basket-Weaving for black teenage lesbians. With these I think I'm bound to go far in this world.

If you notice carefully, what these spam-slammers are saying is nothing less than what some of our politicians say every day. Vote for Hillary! Stop Global Warming. Elect Hillary to turn around the economy! To me the spammers sound less ridiculous

Hillary Clinton

I shamelessly stole this joke from here. This is funny.

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.

"Kenneth."

"And what is your question, Kenneth?"

"I have three questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And, Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.

"Larry."

"And what is your question, Larry?"

"I have five questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House? Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And, Fifth - what happened to Kenneth?