Wednesday, May 24, 2006


I hate going to public parks, especially when I am forced to ‘baby-sit’ cheriya kittunni. Not that I love small kittunni less, but I hate parks more (like Mark Antony once said). If there is something that I despise more, it is a barber shop. There is hair everywhere. The nauseating odor of cheap perming gel and burning hair coupled with vile vibrations of hair clippers make me insane. So when my wife wanted to have her hair cut yesterday I reluctantly agreed to oversee my son at the park.

As I was playing with my son, I noticed this lady seated on a stone bench staring at me. She smiled, and I smiled back. If I were not married, that would have been enough to keep my metabolism going for one whole week. I ignored the forbidden fruit and continued playing, but I could not help but notice the lady staring at me again and again. I tried not to heed to her sparkling steadfast eyes and her suggestive smiles. But she was in no mood to stop. She began speaking to me with her eyes, as if to insinuate a coded message, and lead my attention in her direction. Slowly her crazy eyed looks began to intimidate me. May be she was being nice. May be my antenna was picking up the wrong signals. I wasn’t sure. But it sure appeared as if she is opening her imaginary door and inviting me inside.

I cannot describe her minutely. She looked very much like an Indian lady, in her late 20s, in a sprawling velvety churidar. Her father could not have been anything but a superb engineer. She was structurally so impeccable! I am too ugly to be stared at in any romantic sort of way, so I thought there may be someone behind me who is the focus of her attention. I pretended playing and looked over my shoulder. But there was no one but me.

As I turned around, she stood up and began walking towards me with short but bubbly strides. As she came closer she resembled a trimmed down Neetu Kuruvilla on steroids. God! My mouth was dry already. I wanted to reach for Kittunni’s sippy-cup and drink a mouthful of water. Before I could move she invaded my private territory and said “Hi” . I just smiled, since my mouth was so freaking dry to utter a word.
“Do you come here every day?”
“No” I said “I took my son out since his mother is having a hair cut”
“Do you live nearby?”
She asked more with her eyes than with words.
“How old is your son”

I hope she is not a serial rapist. I hope she is not a psychopathic desperate housewife on a mission. I hope she is not a voodoo queen or one of my blog readers. Kittuni, blissfully unaware of the unfolding drama is running around, with a piece of broken plastic toy in his hand. He is ignorant of the fact that a strange women is torturing his dad, that his dad needs his help and protection.

I regained my composure and looked at her. She looked shy, dreamy, and languid, but had a ready smile. Before I could say anything she broke the silence.
“Malayali aaNu alley”
“I heard you talking to your son in malayalam. Where are you from?”
I said
“Ayyao thenney? nammaLum avidannu thanna. Neyyattingara. Wo...”


Anonymous Reeja ("the" wife) said...

Dushtaaa. That's why you were late. Next time you are sitting with me in the barber shop :)

6:59 PM  
Blogger FlipFlop said...

Now, thats a Byju post!! I have waited long.

8:57 PM  
Anonymous Priyadarshan said...

I was very enthusiastic to reach to the end with a steaming heart. Albeit Mr.Byju is hiding that bubbles inside his soul.., let me know "who is the man whom do not want an attention from a women" as not quoted by George Bernad Shaw. It was a free of cost Viagra for a person to ponder himself as young and smart, why not… I can smell the burning fumes from Reeja…..

….. why a person want to look back one is watching him or not, suppose if that was a man… will you look again through your shoulders, or through your arm pit, or your broaden legs… no and in no way. It is a momentous attention and magnetism from an one celled animal (amoeba) up to the one step above human (God), as not quoted by Chals Darwin, but me.

...why not i am in the states...

10:31 PM  
Blogger Sapna Anu B. George said...

Thanks byju for you responce and no one glance through my pages in english as i am not marked up any where, this offset, waywards visitors who hapens to visit me are ,all i have , anyway thanks

7:09 AM  
Blogger kashmu said...

This 70 foot drop from the heights of anticipation -- with the slow moving camera focussing in on little kittunni unaware of imminent danger., and the final drenching in the too much familiar 'therondoram' dialect with the tensions melting away in that 'Neyyattingara, Wo...' seemed to be rollercoaster scene from a Shaji Kailas movie written by Srinivasan.

7:52 AM  
Anonymous Soni said...

Now I relate to you! Good writing, mate!

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Syju JS said...

This time my doubts are clear...dear brother. We belong to diffrent worlds... Well... you missed it .. or rather messed it up!!!!

11:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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3:28 PM  
Anonymous Anand said...

That was outright hilarious !!

I am visiting your blog after a break and can't stop reading. I am going one post after the other.

6:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was a very bad thing to use someone's name in your blog just like that. You dont even know her. You better apologize. You can get sued buddy.

10:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

True. Get sued or not, leaves a bad impression. Totally uncalled for!

11:30 PM  
Anonymous Meera Harikumar said...

I was trying to get the contact details of a Neetu Kuruvilla as I have lost touch with her. I did a Google on her name and got a link to your blog of date May 24, 2006. The Neetu Kuruvilla I know is from Trivandrum and am not sure you are referring to the same. If you have her details, could you send it across to meera_h1973@yahoo.co.in.



9:14 PM  
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Blogger sharon said...

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1:39 AM  

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